5HT: 5 Healthyish Things, including Function’s big acquisition and sun lamps

📣 Function Health buying Ezra is one of the most strategic consumer health acquisitions in recent memory. With labs and full-body scans now under one roof, Function continues its leadership position in proactive diagnostics and comes as close to a full-stack diagnostics platform as we’ve seen. As friend and CEO Jonathan Swerdlin explains, “What labs aren’t covering, scans can see. And what scans couldn’t touch on, labs cover.”

In some ways, Ezra always felt like Function’s kindred spirit—modern UX layered over legacy healthcare infrastructure. That approach made both easier to launch and faster to scale, though 😬 also easier to copy and compete. I was actually pretty disappointed when I tried Ezra (and wrote about it in 5HT) because the experience fell flat. And especially compared to Prenuvo (which I also wrote about), which I was a big fan of. Nonetheless, I’m confident Function will address this ASAP.

Plus, as someone who’s spent the last decade-plus working to make health more accessible, I’m awfully excited they plan to offer a 22-minute full-body MRI scan for $499.❗(For comparison, that’s down from Ezra’s previous offer of a 30-minute scan, costing $1,495.) To quote Dr. Mark Hyman (a friend and Function Co-Founder & Chief Medical Officer), “What used to be the domain of the wealthy is now accessible to everybody.” Finally! 🙌 

With Function decidedly in the lead, the race to build the personal health OS is on. Superpower announced their fundraise just last month. Prenuvo's making moves into labs (see their "Enhanced Screening" offering). And rumor has it WHOOP, is close to launching labs. 🤫 No matter what happens, I’m excited about where this is heading: A world where people have real agency over their health—without having to wait for the system to catch up.

Also: If you still haven’t gotten a Mother’s Day gift, Function’s running a Mother’s Day promotion right now (and wrote a children’s book about it?).  

So that’s exciting.

But lately, I’ve been sitting with a discomfort I can’t shake: Is wellness culture just becoming optimization theater?

Every supplement we stack, every protocol we follow, and every biomarker we track—it all adds up. And still, we (at least me for sure) wake up wondering: Am I doing enough? 🫥

We say it’s about longevity. But sometimes, it feels more like we’re trying to outrun a deeper fear—that we’re falling behind in a race no one asked us to run.

Yes, humans have always chased magic elixirs and miracle cures. But now it comes with urgency—and a TikTok strategy. 

We’ve turned health into a checklist. Wellness into a relay race. Self-care into another high-output ritual. The performance economy has swallowed our jobs, parenting, and social feeds. And now it’s coming for our well-being, too.

Sure, we might feel more productive. But do we actually feel better?

This spiral started after a post from Brad Stulberg reminded me optimization isn’t about adding complexity, but reducing it. It’s about getting clearer on what actually matters—and letting go of the rest.

Because what we’re really chasing isn’t another hack. It’s meaning. It’s connection. It’s a life that feels good.

And we already know what works: Strong relationships. 7-9 hours of sleep. Eating well. Moving your body. Not sexy or click-worthy, maybe, but solid.

And look, I know how this sounds. I fall for it too. I bought a sun lamp (more on that below) because I wasn’t sleeping… when the actual fix is more sleep.

Same with supplements. I’ve been piling on powders and pills in the name of research, but lately? It feels like too much. Brad’s post reminded me that less is more.

So, yeah, I’m now working on optimizing in this cool new way called subtracting. 

In fact, I shared my recent Function blood test results (FWIW, never been better, losing weight while not losing muscle mass sure is good for you, who would have known) with my doctor and asked her to help me cut back. Partly because it’s expensive (lol), but mostly because if you’re always asking “why not add one more?”—you’ll always find one more to add.

So here’s my challenge to you: Make a list of your health habits and hacks—and ask yourself (or your doctor) what you can take away.

For the past three weeks, I've been waking up and sitting in front of a giant glowing panel of artificial sunlight. It's not for Instagram lighting, it's for my brain. 🧠

Yes, this device from Northern Light Technologies blasts 10,000 lux of bright white light 🔆 onto my face while I drink my Kirkland cold brew and try to remember what day it is. 😅 And I’m into it so far.

A sun lamp—aka light therapy lamp—is designed to mimic natural daylight to stimulate your circadian rhythm and regulate mood, energy, and sleep. Basically, it tricks your body into thinking it's morning, even if it’s dark, like at 5am when I wake up. And wow, do I wake up once I have that thing on. 

Originally developed for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), there’s strong evidence that an artificial sunrise ☀️ can help with both seasonal and non-seasonal depression. Studies show it boosts serotonin (that’s right, 5-HT!!) and melatonin (aka better mood and better sleep).

I did my homework and picked the lamp that fit my desk and had the best reviews. (Plus, it was on sale.) Some tips:

• 👀 Placement matters: Keep it ~16-24 inches from your face, at eye level.

• ⏰ Timing matters more: Use it within 30-60 minutes of waking. Too late can mess with sleep.

• 🐌 Start slow: You only need to do 10-20 minutes, and there’s no shame in starting with 5. (Just don't do 2 hours like I did one day, wrecking my sleep.)

• 💁‍♂️ Act natural: You don’t need to stare into it like a lighthouse—just be near it while you read, eat, work, etc.

Given walking was such a popular topic last week, here’s a fun fact I recently learned: The 10,000 steps per day goal is rooted in myth, not science. 🤯

It turns out the concept originated in Japan in the 1960s as part of a marketing campaign for a pedometer called the “manpo-kei” (万歩計), which literally translates to “10,000 step meter.” The number caught on because it sounded nice and achievable, but not because it was biologically optimal. In fact, science says 8,000 steps/day is more than enough, if that. 

This meta-analysis of 15 studies across nearly 50,000 people from four continents found older adults who walked 6,000-8,000 steps had a significantly lower risk of dying from any cause.  

No matter how many steps you take, the point is: Walking is wildly good for you. Walking (especially briskly) can boost heart health, lower blood pressure, improve mood, support healthy aging, and improve sleep quality. Based on the research, walking 3-5x/week is the sweet spot.

My wife recently asked me about oil pulling, and I didn’t have a good answer. So, naturally, I had to research it. 🤓

Basically, oil pulling is the ancient Ayurvedic practice of swishing oil around the teeth, gums, and cheeks in the morning. The idea is the practice pulls toxins from your mouth, improves oral health, and keeps things like bad breath and cavities in check. It sounds like a TikTok trend, yes, but it’s actually been around for thousands of years.

TBH the science here is slim, but small studies show coconut oil may reduce plaque and gingivitis, while sesame oil can cut bacteria and plaque. Other research indicates oil pulling is about as effective as chlorhexidine (aka the mouthwash your dentist gives you that tastes like hospital) for bad breath. Some also claim it supports digestion and even migraines, though there’s zero solid evidence for that.

But hey, for a ritual people have sworn by for centuries, maybe we don’t need piles of peer-reviewed studies. Morning rituals are powerful—and IMO, it’s hard to argue with Ayurvedic stuff. 🤷

So, naturally, I tried it. Here’s how you can too:

• 🥥 Pick your oil. Coconut, sesame, or sunflower are the OGs. I went with extra-virgin coconut oil (mostly for the taste). This brand has a whole focus on oil pulling!

• 🌀 Swish 1 tbsp for 10-20 min. It was gross at first—I nearly gagged—buuut it got better.

• 🗑️ Spit it in the trash, not the sink. Pipes don’t love hardened oil.

• 🪥 Rinse with water, then brush. Clear out any lingering oil or funk.

Is it effective? IDKID. At best, it supplements your oral hygiene ritual, and maybe you find some peace in it. At worst, it keeps your mouth shut for 20 minutes. 🤐 

I probably won’t keep at it, but swish away.

Other things

• Teen wellness influencers and high schoolers are “fueling the MAHA movement” and the NYT is on it. 🙄 Friend (and Oula Co-Founder) Joanne Schneider Demeireles argues in her newsletter, A Little Woo, that they’re says they’re filling a void mainstream institutions left behind, and I couldn’t agree more.

• Speaking of institutions, my friend Casey Means was nominated yesterday to be our next Surgeon General! Casey is absolutely the real deal, will be tremendous, and I may actually start having faith in the system again??

• Grüns, the megaaa popular gummy supplement maker, just raised $35M at a $500M valuation. Why does the answer to success in supplements always seems to be “cool, now put it in a gummy.” 😬

• Oura just announced two new AI-powered features in glucose tracking (smart for the Ozempic era) and meal logging (more competition for MyFitnessPal).

• Most clicked last week? My Freepi walking pad. Since it’s out of stock, here’s my second-place recommendation.

👋 Who are you again? I’m Derek Flanzraich—founder of two venture-backed startups in Greatist (👍) and Ness (👎). I’ve worked with brands like GoodRx, Parsley, Midi, Ro, NOCD, and Peloton. I now run Healthyish Content, a premium health content & SEO agency (among other things).

Every Thursday, I share 5 health things I feel strongly about so you can live healthyish. (Disclaimer: I’m more your friend with health benefits. None of this is medical advice.)

And oh, you also feel strongly about some health things? Hit reply—I’d love to hear it.